This weekend was pretty darn good. David and I went on an actual date night, there was lots of cuddling, and the weather was gorgeous. The weekend with David has me thinking about love. I spent a lot of time thinking about our relationship and what our love was before the wedding in March when I was writing my vows. We are now back to our pre-wedding lives, and I am thinking about it again, in a different context.
I mentioned that I have been struggling, and I have been. The past month has been extremely difficult for me, with days that have felt black and terrifying. This is not the first time David has been by my side through the tumultuous throws of my depression. It won’t be the last. I tend to pick fights with the people I love the most and take so much out on them when I feel this low. Along with the harsh and mean-spirited attitude, I also spend hours waffling in indecision, hours weeping, hours shut down to the world. Every time things get really bad I convince myself that no-one, except my parents, could love me with all of that. I feel like a completely different person, a person I hate and so I assume others hate. And yet, here is David, agreeing to do anything that might make me cheer up, making sure I am organized, have groceries, have made appointments with doctors and therapists…holding me and never wavering. Our relationship is not flawless. If you don’t have depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder it is difficult to completely understand a person who does. But we talk through everything, and David constantly strives to understand, while I constantly work on patience. We have had to make some difficult decisions recently, and the reason they are bearable, is that I know I am still going to be going though these times with my pal and my love by my side.
In honor of these feelings, here are some photos from Chris Craymer‘s series on Love. I discovered them on my sister’s Pinterest. She is a pinning queen, by the way. I love them. They are soft and sweet.