It so so odd how time can pass so slowly and so quickly at the same time. When I am by myself here, working from home with the exception of a few hours babysitting, the days can seem to last forever.
But then, I turn the page in my datebook and see that a month has flown by. In the days when David is gone there is a distinct lack of football sounds, I cling to my dogs, I panic over potential disasters. In short, I don’t tend to flourish when I am alone. My mind defaults to panic mode. I get obsessive, check locks, check outlets, set and re-set the house alarm. I want to live peacefully alone. I want to desperately. I want to take the time and cook, take photos, take classes, read, and just be normal. I have really been taking note of those moments where I feel satisfied and I feel at peace, so that I know how to recreate them. Tonight I am in bed, with the lamp on and a candle lit, and I can hear the rain. I babysat, worked out, and achieved a few other around the house goals. All of these things help. I will work on cooking a nice meal once the thought of a grocery trip doesn’t sound exhausting. This is how it goes for a codependent woman struggling with depression and anxiety. These are my mid-week thoughts.
(flowers by Bows and Arrows)