Today is my mom’s birthday. For ten years of my life my mom turned 40… I am not sure if this was something she said, or something that she never clarified to me. I honestly really had no idea exactly how old she was until the planning for an all out 50th birthday party began. Needless to say, it was a little shocking. I kinda hate my mom’s birthday, because I want her frozen in time. Her enthusiasm for life and bringing people together is inspiring. Her beauty is always radiant. She is in Phoenix while I am in Seattle and I miss her. I miss her so much. It is so bizarre to be living semi-parallel lives. She moved to Phoenix because of her husband’s job, while I moved to Seattle. We are both early on in our marriages. We are both as happy as could be and weighed down by a little new-found loneliness. Being a daughter. Being a mother. It is so complex. Our complexities have actually been diagnosed, which is *fun*. We have had to push ourselves to let the other be independent and grow. Sometimes I know and try to accept that my time as her little daughter who has always needed so much help and reassurance has ended, but I mourn the change. Because it is not that I don’t still have the same needs. On mother’s day, I was completely caught up in wishes to be a mother myself. Today, for my mom’s birthday, I am thinking only of her. How much I love and need her. How she still measures how much I have grown, and reminds me, and for that I am so grateful.
Happy birthday, mom. I love you so much.