c4534ffbd8f6382559cb17115e4e2055

recovery

This year as I watched the Academy Awards I couldn’t help thinking about another Oscar ceremony two year ago. I sat in a hotel lobby near Philadelphia. Huddled around a little table with my parents and David. We watched the show. I took a few calls during the ceremony. The only thing I really remember is my dad rooting for The King’s Speech. It was the last night of my old life… I checked into a residential treatment facility the next day. After a lifetime of anxiety, sadness, eating struggles, and self harm I took the biggest step I could towards making a change. I had been careening downward for months. There is a physical pain that accompanies sadness… and a whole different pain that goes with anxiety. The sadness that overtook me nearly took my life. But I did it. I changed my life. It was not easy, well, it’s still not easy. I struggle. I fail. I start over. But nothing has ever been the same. My one year anniversary of committing to such dedicated treatment fell the week of my wedding. I was surrounded by everyone I loved and it meant so much to have come so far. Not that getting married in itself is a huge accomplishment, but following through, facing fears, living at all. That was the accomplishment. That first year in recovery felt long. I felt so conscious of every second. This year it seems like I took a breath and it was over. I am embarking on a huge change. The last big move we made started my downward spiral, but this time is going to be different.
Thank you all for going through this with me. For just throwing your arms around me when I wrote about my dress fears. For emailing and reaching out time and again. I love it. And It is why I am going to keep blogging and write about life more often. Thank you for reminding me, Lena.

13 Comments

  1. you’re so brave for writing about this, chels. i’m so excited for your new adventure and you’ve always got my support if you need to lean on someone. you’re so beautiful and resilient.

  2. It’s truly amazing to me how much can change in one year. I know you are a brave soul. As even more time passes, I hope things become easier for you. You deserve to enjoy the heck out of your fabulous life!

  3. what a brave, heartfelt post… i commend you for writing this, and I hope that you do something to treat yourself and celebrate.

  4. I had these big old tears in my eyes reading this, and when I read the last line, I straight up bawled. You are such a magnificent woman, a fearless writer, an unstoppable force and an impossibly dear friend.

    Can’t wait to raise a glass with you and celebrate all that you’ve done, and everything that’s to come.

  5. Definitely celebrate! What an accomplishment! Now following your blog after seeing you comment on mine and cannot wait to read more!

  6. rox

    wonderful post of reflection. your readers (myself included) are proud of you! you are pretty damn amazing chelsea.

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