swimming

I know that it isn’t summer quite yet, and that because I am in Houston, I am experiencing more heat than others, but nevertheless I have a couple of things to say about the pressures that come along with warm weather. Last April I had just come out of residential treatment in Philadelphia and the thought of returning to Texas, where I knew the temperatures were already near boiling, terrified me. The thought of wearing something sleeveless, or heaven forbid, a swimsuit, paralyzed me. I spent last summer in more layers than you can imagine. Leggings, tunics, and cardigans remained on my body even during August. There are so many fears that come along with baring your body. Even the fittest most gorgeous girls I know obsesses over their bodies when it comes to swimsuits. I have been known to completely avoid any activities where swimming or lounging in the heat is on the agenda. I nearly cancelled a trip David and I had with our great friends last fall because it was a beach vacation.

Now, think about how it feels to be suspended in water. Think about how incredibly relaxing it is to hear waves on a beach or drink a margarita at the pool. I have spent too many summers thinking that the people around me who said that no one cared how much cellulite I had were liars. Sweet liars, but liars none the less. I want to float! I know that this is easier said then done, but my goal is to wear fabulous caftans and then not give a shit when I have to take them off. I want to be healthy, I have goals, but I do not want to miss out this summer. There are already ads on tv, pressuring us to get “bikini-ready.” Please challenge them with me. My game plan is retro swimsuit designs and remembering that my friends have loved me through weight loss and weight gain, and not in-spite of these things, but because if I hadn’t obsessively pointed my body out to them, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed. I am actually in tears writing this post, I know that challenging my core beliefs about my body and about the worth I have based on how I see myself in the mirror, is one of the most challenging things I go through. My worth is not based on how my bod looks in a swimsuit. I’m going to let that be my mantra.

PS. Isn’t that gingham suit the cutest?

(Header Image, 1/2/3 )

12 Comments

  1. Swimsuit season…I know the feeling. When I was in fifth grade I was wearing tummy-control-one-pieces because I hated my belly. “My worth is not based on how my bod looks in a swimsuit,” is a great mantra. Kind of feeling empowered…and feeling like shopping for a swimsuit now. =)

  2. Dana!!! I was waiting for you to pop back up. How was the wedding? Agh, email me. Anyways, I am glad we are together on this. xo

  3. Yes, yes, a thousand times YES to this! I’ve been obsessed with that gingham suit for ages–I think we both need it!

  4. I love this post! The fact that almost all of us hold ourselves to a nearly impossible standard is disappointing indeed. My insecurities have always been with my ultra pale skin and freckles, but I’ve been trying to be brave the past few years. We’ll see how it works this year!

  5. Onny

    I understand what you mean, it can really make you feel bad as you see those things on TV. How can one be proud of her appearance if the media says there are certain “standards” we have to conform to.

  6. Colleen W.

    Hi lovely Chelsea,
    I just wanted to say that I love the personal tone your posts have taken over the last months. Your courage to be open and put your emotions out there is truly inspiring. So many women can identify with these issues and you address them in a way that is fun and fabulous! Much love to you and your new family :) xoxo

    • Colleen, that is so sweet of you. It was a little scary to start those posts, but they make me feel more fulfilled and I know that I love reading things I can relate to. We missed you at the wedding. I hope that you and David have a real catch up sesh soon. xo

  7. You know, I have the same issue with wearing swimsuits because I’ve got cellulite over my bum (inherited it from dad, not mum!) and I’ve ALWAYS been self-conscious about it! Then I realised that everyone has their own body bits which they find problematic but if you look and feel confident, it doesn’t become that big a problem anymore!

    Besides, there are so many ways to combat our body flaws such as that cute gingham swimsuit, or a lovely sarong…!

    • Exactly. And our bodies get us through life! They are a vessel for fun and love! I am glad that you have been able to find some peace. I am going to keep working at it. xo

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