Normally there is nothing quite as satisfying as the validation of an expert telling you that you are right about something that everyone around you doubted. And when I say doubted, the words paranoid and crazy were thrown around quite liberally…However, that satisfaction, when told you are indeed experiencing substantial hair loss, is short-lived. So short-lived I can’t remember if it happened. I wanted to shout “ha! Told you so, I knew it,” but before I could get it out, it was caught in my throat and quickly morphing into a head in hands sniveling; “fuck, I knew it.” And feelings of satisfaction dissolved instantaneously into feelings of despair and panic. If this sounds over-dramatic to you, try losing your hair at 27. Ok, I just read that back to myself. There are much worse ways that I could be losing my hair. Don’t hassle me. I know that.
I have fine hair. In the past I had been told that I have a healthy head of fine hair. Even though it is straight and mousey and not what I would have chosen, I once got asked if I was a hair model while leaving the salon. I was 21 and I think that it might have been the healthiest and fullest my hair will ever be. About four months ago I thought that my hair was not forming the fluffy swirl of a top knot that I so enjoy. I noticed that my always teeny pony-tail started fitting into those nickel sized little girl pony-tail holders… and the elastic could go around twice. Whatever. Then two months ago I pulled my hair back at night to wash my face and saw a giant patch of scalp- this shockingly white patch that started at my hairline and went back about three inches. Sparse and patchy hairs are still growing there with these super awesome little ½ – 1 inch “baby” hairs that curl around like the smallest patch of bangs you have ever seen. They creep me out and remind me of baby teeth people find in tumors…
Um. It’s me. I worried. I spent hours researching online. I can guarantee you that with the exception of maybe three people, every person who has crossed my path in the past two months has heard me talk about my thinning hair. When they protest, I push aside my magnificent comb over to show them that patch. My mom must have thought that was super charming when I did it on Easter weekend; and not just on Easter, but also the night before at a wine and cheese party.
After about, I don’t know, a billion hours of research, visiting forums, and reading clinical papers, I found what looks to be an expert in our area and booked myself an appointment. Today was that appointment. Initially, and I am still waiting on one test, it seems like my hair loss is being caused by all three of the leading hair loss factors for women; hormones, iron levels, and that loveable hereditary factor. So, here is my guide (you know I love a guide) to balding at 27…
How to Deal with Premature Female Balding
- Upon leaving the doctor’s office, get in the car and start responding to an email that your husbands coworker and friend sent you asking for restaurant recommendations. After answering her question about restaurants, write at least a full paragraph long diatribe about your hair loss and despair.
- Give up any idea you had of ever creating a thick braid and wonder if you brought that Jessica Simpson pony-tail extension on your move.
- Call your best friend and drive in circles for about 30 minutes while talking her ear off. You get to vent, and then you get the distraction of getting yourself un-lost.
- Master a deep part and a comb over. Some sites will recommend bangs to create an illusion of fuller hair. Ignore that. I’m growing mine out. Though at times they seem to work wonders for fellow thin haired lover Rashida Jones.
Things Not To Do When Your Hair is Thinning
- Don’t delete your “fab hair” Pinterest folder. It is fab. Someone will appreciate it.
- Don’t tell everyone you come into contact with about your hair issues. I mean, I totally did and will continue to, but I am thinking that I am just drawing attention to it.
- Don’t go rouge and get short hair. Yet.
- Saving all the hair you pull out of your brush. Ok, well, I always save those hairballs because they freak David out. My favorite thing is to put it on his pillows for a grotesque surprise.
- Practically shellacking your little tiny broken hair-line hairs to avoid a creepy baby hair issue.
- Draping your cousins glorious long hair over your own head and pretending it’s your own… watch your back, Katherine.
Guys- I am off to buy Rogaine and iron supplements. Gah. There will be updates. Don’t fear.